Today's homily at mass stemmed from a gospel where Jesus called leaders of the Jewish community hypocrites. That sure is a tough word, and anyone who has ever had it directed at them knows how much it can hurt. It's like a needle or even a rapier that penetrates the ego we use as a protection.
Most of us, I guess, have some kind of mental titles or names we readily apply to ourselves -- friend, family member, teacher, .... but when today's homilist suggested the title "hypocrite" for each of us, that hit home. Was I willing to acknowledge that there was any hypocrisy in me? It's not a statement that I automatically accept as valid, and it's my guess that the same is true of most of us. A bit of soul searching, however, led me to some insight and made me remember what I wrote earlier this month about illusion.
It's hard to see ourselves as others see us. The same applies to things we do. How well do my externals match my interior life? I profess to live as a member of God's kingdom. How often do I act more like someone for whom the kingdom is tomorrow, not right now? When I immerse myself in contemporary life -- work, fun, media, politics --, what set of values do I put on the table? Do others see my interior life reflected in what I do or say? If there's no match, does that make me hypocritical?
I think we frequently judge the effectiveness of things we do by our own intentions in doing them, and so we can tend to give ourselves higher marks than we deserve. Maybe if we examine our lives for spots of potential hypocrisy, we'll find new areas for inner growth.
a KY monk
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friendship as a Gift
Yesterday I went to the visitation of a long ago friend. She was someone with whom I had developed a special bond 20+ years ago, but due to various circumstances, had not spent time with her since.
As I sat and watched the photos of her life flashing on the screen in the funeral home, I found myself alternately smiling and tearing up. Here was a woman whose inner beauty and joy was a gift that touched many, and I was one of them.
The experience brought a number of things to mind:
- significant relationships don't really die, even though they seem to have passed us by as we moved through our life. Somewhere within us is the reality that was shaped in that earlier time. It is there to influence us for better or for worse, depending upon how we tap into it;
- Occasionally we meet someone and sense an immediate kinship. Other times, however, a meeting doesn't give us any obvious clues about a future special relationship. In both circumstances, however, there is the chance for something new to emerge. Both occasions demand an openness from us. In the first, we need to know if the connection is felt mutually, then explore ways to nurture it. In the second, we may need to look for the latent gifts that person brings with them. In any case, this newly formed connection between two people can, in its own way, strengthen bonds among many other human beings.
- Profound events like death and birth have a way of creating new paths between people. Stories thrive in these circumstances. Old connections are rediscovered and new ones uncovered. The bonds among humans are strengthened.
I'm grateful for yesterday's opportunity to quietly celebrate friends and family.
A KY monk
As I sat and watched the photos of her life flashing on the screen in the funeral home, I found myself alternately smiling and tearing up. Here was a woman whose inner beauty and joy was a gift that touched many, and I was one of them.
The experience brought a number of things to mind:
- significant relationships don't really die, even though they seem to have passed us by as we moved through our life. Somewhere within us is the reality that was shaped in that earlier time. It is there to influence us for better or for worse, depending upon how we tap into it;
- Occasionally we meet someone and sense an immediate kinship. Other times, however, a meeting doesn't give us any obvious clues about a future special relationship. In both circumstances, however, there is the chance for something new to emerge. Both occasions demand an openness from us. In the first, we need to know if the connection is felt mutually, then explore ways to nurture it. In the second, we may need to look for the latent gifts that person brings with them. In any case, this newly formed connection between two people can, in its own way, strengthen bonds among many other human beings.
- Profound events like death and birth have a way of creating new paths between people. Stories thrive in these circumstances. Old connections are rediscovered and new ones uncovered. The bonds among humans are strengthened.
I'm grateful for yesterday's opportunity to quietly celebrate friends and family.
A KY monk
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Musing about Illusions
The other day as I was working on a piece for our community's blog (http://stwalburg.blogspot.com/), I ran across a wonderful quote. First it was attributed to Oscar Wilde (it sounds like him), then I found a reference that said it came from Voltaire (That's even more believable; the Englishman probably borrowed it from the Frenchman.):
"Illusion is the first of all pleasures."
When I read it, my initial impression was that the word "first" meant natural or primary, and that struck me as quite true. Isn't illusion often an unconscious refuge when things are hard to face? It takes real effort to try to look at something when it's not what we want or expect to see.
I think that can be true when we look at ourselves. Have you ever noticed how easy it is, for example, to excuse ourselves when we slip up in our responsibilities? It's really easy to blame the situation or another person. Compare that with our reluctance to accept even the same excuse when it comes from another person who failed at something. It seems to me that we tend to give reasons a lot more credibility when they emanate from our own lips about our own actions than when someone else offers them about themselves.
This is where I see Voltaire's comment ringing true. When we judge our actions, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt much more readily than we give it to others; it's easier for us to cut more slack for ourselves than we do for others.
In monastic life we take a vow of conversion. One way to describe this is that we daily keep working to become as fully Christ-like as we can. Because each of us humans has so many flaws, this is a life-long process. One thought to cherish is that God sees us and loves us, warts and all. Our challenge is to love ourselves and others the same way. To see ourselves as flawless is an unnecessary illusion; to see flaws as a tool for becoming a better human being and a stronger reflection of Christ is our challenge.
A Kentucky monk
"Illusion is the first of all pleasures."
When I read it, my initial impression was that the word "first" meant natural or primary, and that struck me as quite true. Isn't illusion often an unconscious refuge when things are hard to face? It takes real effort to try to look at something when it's not what we want or expect to see.
I think that can be true when we look at ourselves. Have you ever noticed how easy it is, for example, to excuse ourselves when we slip up in our responsibilities? It's really easy to blame the situation or another person. Compare that with our reluctance to accept even the same excuse when it comes from another person who failed at something. It seems to me that we tend to give reasons a lot more credibility when they emanate from our own lips about our own actions than when someone else offers them about themselves.
This is where I see Voltaire's comment ringing true. When we judge our actions, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt much more readily than we give it to others; it's easier for us to cut more slack for ourselves than we do for others.
In monastic life we take a vow of conversion. One way to describe this is that we daily keep working to become as fully Christ-like as we can. Because each of us humans has so many flaws, this is a life-long process. One thought to cherish is that God sees us and loves us, warts and all. Our challenge is to love ourselves and others the same way. To see ourselves as flawless is an unnecessary illusion; to see flaws as a tool for becoming a better human being and a stronger reflection of Christ is our challenge.
A Kentucky monk
Monday, October 3, 2011
Days of Jubilee
I haven't blogged in quite a while, but the events of last weekend were really unique. My community, family, and lots of friends came together to help me celebrate 50 years of monastic profession. Part of the celebration involved my giving a piano concert. I don't do this much, but for the occasion I was hoping to create a time and space where a variety of people I care about could meet and make new or refresh old connections. It worked!
Relatives who hadn't seen each other in a long time came together at something other than a funeral or wedding. Community members, along with old and new friends, met some of my family for the first time, and vice versa.
One thing that gave me great pleasure was how much my immediate family enjoyed the music and ritual of our evening prayer where I renewed my vows. This was something I didn't really expect because it was so new to a number of them.
Something that overwhelmed me was how many of my community members contributed extra time, effort, and energy to bringing everything to its peak. From cooks and bakers to dishwashers to furniture arrangers to pray-ers.... it was humbling. And my family noticed this high level of concern and care. They made a point of telling me how important it was for them to see this.
I'm in the process of writing thank you cards now, but there are so many people to thank, I'm afraid it will take a long time. I'm hoping that in the meantime they won't think I took for granted their contributions to the celebration. It was quite a weekend!
a KY monk
Relatives who hadn't seen each other in a long time came together at something other than a funeral or wedding. Community members, along with old and new friends, met some of my family for the first time, and vice versa.
One thing that gave me great pleasure was how much my immediate family enjoyed the music and ritual of our evening prayer where I renewed my vows. This was something I didn't really expect because it was so new to a number of them.
Something that overwhelmed me was how many of my community members contributed extra time, effort, and energy to bringing everything to its peak. From cooks and bakers to dishwashers to furniture arrangers to pray-ers.... it was humbling. And my family noticed this high level of concern and care. They made a point of telling me how important it was for them to see this.
I'm in the process of writing thank you cards now, but there are so many people to thank, I'm afraid it will take a long time. I'm hoping that in the meantime they won't think I took for granted their contributions to the celebration. It was quite a weekend!
a KY monk
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